The Hunt and the Treasure

Since we came back to the field there has been a lot of confusion, emotion, misunderstanding, shouting, and miscommunication. There has not been a lot of hope or encouragement just sitting around to be stumbled upon. It has become a treasure hunt for us, and I'm finding that the hunt has become the treasure. The hunt... in the midst of trials of many kinds.

In the last month I've been taking my time in the book of James. Right away it catches my attention because it's written to those "scattered among the nations." I can relate to that!  James continues with a reference to "trials of many kinds," which I appreciate because we don't all fight the same battle.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given.... Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. (James 1:2-5,12)

This month I started 1 Peter, who also writes to those scattered throughout the world.  Peter also writes about all kinds of trials:

Grace and peace be yours in abundance.  Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!  In this (a new birth, living hope, imperishable inheritance, salvation referenced in previous verses) you greatly rejoice, though for now for a little while you may have to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.  These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold...may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed...(1 Peter 1:2b-3, 6-7)

In fact, many Biblical writers talk about suffering and trials, so why did Peter's take on trials stand out to me?  Peter recognizes that it's not necessarily the trials that we suffer from, but the emotion that is the constant companion to trials - grief.

When we face trials of many kinds, we do not battle circumstances; we battle in the territory of the heart.  But don't lose heart.  God has a plan!  God's plan of attack on grief is joy.  It's not that grief is the enemy, but grief unmet by the truth can decline into despair.

Here is the truth: You have been chosen by God.  Here are your weapons: Wisdom, grace, and peace.  Here are your battle strategies: Perseverance, praise, and thanksgiving.

The hunt for hope or encouragement in the midst of trials has become our perseverance, and in our perseverance we are finding the ability to give thanks in all things.  We are finding the uncharacteristic ability to not take things personally.  We don't understand what is happening, much less why, but it is very clear that God is still in control and he is bigger than even the emotional outbursts that circumstances drive people (including us) to.  In those moments I want to give up on people, but I cannot give up on God.

This moment, week, month, year, whatever... It is not the end all to life as we know it.  It will pass, as does everything, and probably something new will take its place to wear the crown of drama.  The important question is how have we passed through it?  Will God find our hearts to be bitter and sour, apathetic and wandering, or tried and true?  To where, to whom, or to what did we turn in our hour of need? Did we turn our desperate hour of need into a sweet hour of prayer?  Did we give thanks in all things or in all things raise complaints?  Was our struggle against flesh and blood or against the spiritual darkness that desires to consume us?

It is very natural to pass through difficult times in the shadow.  It takes the strength of the Spirit to turn it into  a hunt and therein find your treasure.

Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed.  (1 Peter 1:13)

Feasting on Joy

It is the last day of Sukkot (the Feast of Tabernacles), and I am in a reflective mood.

"Live in booths for seven days... do your descendants will know that I had Israelites live in booths when I brought them out of Egypt. I am the Lord your God." (Leviticus 23:42-43)

"Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands... while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened...  We live by faith, not by sight.  We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body, and at home with the Lord.  So we make it our gal to please him, whether we are at home n the body or away from it." (2 Corinthians 5:1, 4, 7-9)

In regards to the sukkah (the booth)... This is the point:  All this, too, shall pass.  Hold lightly the things of this world - possessions, ability, achievements, disappointments, even grief - for all these things are temporary.  they will pass with our "earthly tent" and this world as we know it.  All these things will be replaced by joy (2 Cor. 5)!  Certainly the rituals of the daily grind happen in the sukkah like they do in the house - meals, gatherings, cleaning, rest... What sets it apart is the reminder that our surroundings (mind-numbing-and-at-the-same-time-overwhelming circumstances, day-in-and-day-out-life, never-quite-belonging-context, my-world-versus-your-world) are temporary, and in that context we are to find joy through thanksgiving.

Have you ever asked God, "Exactly what do you have in mind for me in this place?"  That question generally appears when you are in a place of seemingly aimless wandering.  You see God.  You don't doubt Him, but when you look around the immediate present of your life you realize that you are in a desolate and difficult place with no hope of purpose.  Isn't that the situation of the Israelites in the desert... for 40 years?!

And so enters the significance of Sukkot (the Feast of Tabernacles).

"... after you have gathered the crops of the land, celebrate the festival of the Lord for seven days...  rejoice before the Lord for seven days..." (Leviticus 23:39-40)

"Be joyful at your Feast - you, your sons and daughters, your menservants and maidservants, and the Levites, the aliens, the fatherless and the widows who live in your towns (ahem... EVERYONE).  For seven days celebrate the Feast to the Lord your God at the place the Lord will choose.  For the Lord your God will bless you in all your harvest and in all the work of your hands, and your joy will be complete." (Deuteronomy 16:14-15)

The whole concept of God choosing the place of worship is quite thought provoking.  The design of the tabernacle is to be assembled for atonement and thanksgiving wherever God has placed the worshiper.  It wasn't always on a mountaintop with a breathtaking view of the world around you.  Most times He calls for the tabernacle to be raised in the sweaty grit of suffocating reality... and to be joyous...  How can that be possible?

There is something in finishing a period of hard work - to stop and assess the work that has happened, and the blessings that God has brought therein.  Stop.  Take stock. Give thanks.  There is more than one kind of harvest. Seek the Lord for the ability to see it.  He promises that whoever seeks after Him will find (Matthew 7:7-8)!

Even beyond the grace of the immediate present, don't forget to cast your thoughts to the past.  What has God redeemed you from and for?  What were the miracles God has already done?  If you are nearsighted in this area, you will be short sighted for the future.  Look for God's hand in generations past, even.  Celebrate His work in others' lives.  Don't stop after one or two occasions of God's greatness - keep going!  After all, Sukkot is supposed to be a time of joy!  What more effective way to be filled with joy than to have your remembrances filled to overflowing with the goodness - the GREATNESS - of God?!

I do not...

We were sitting on my porch, my friend and I. She was reminiscing about a book she was reading (by Shauna Neiquist, I believe). A revolutionary thought had presented her with a pronounced freedom - to create a list of things that you are not. For example, "I am not a gardener," my friend admitted with a smile. "I'm not either," I jumped to agree! She looked at me doubtfully, because we were surrounded by my potted plants. I felt like I owed her, and everyone, an explanation.

I am not a gardener.

Marshall teases me mercilessly that I don't have a green thumb, and, in fact, he doubts that my thumb is even brown! So why do I have plants? Well, I love them for one thing! I just can't keep them alive or flourishing! That doesn't really answer the question, does it? Let's go back to the revolutionary idea of what I am not or do not do:

• I do not garden for therapy or stress relief.
• I do not garden for bragging rights.
• I do not garden because I'm naturally talented at it.

I do garden to remind myself to be diligent in spiritual disciplines.

I am not, by nature, prone to nourish plants nor myself. The plants are such a stark visual reminder of what happens when depraved of proper nourishment. The buds don't result in blooms, even though there is promise peeking shyly at you. The leaves dry up on the edges and become fragile and brittle. The dust settles on the leaves and the pests aren't bidden haste. All of these indications that my plants have not been nourished or cared for properly.

When I see my plants in this condition, it immediately provokes me to take an inventory of my spiritual disciplines.

There are shockingly similar indications for my spirit. There remain gifts that aren't stirred up, my capacity for grace and kindness shrivels up, and the lies of the enemy nest themselves inside my mind without any truth to eradicate them.

As a new creation, I need to be connected to the vine in order to flourish and bear fruit. I can't do that without nourishing myself regularly with the truth of the Living Water, and submitting myself to the care of the Lord. He knows best when to put me in the sun, when to prune my branches, when to add minerals to my soil, and when to protect me from damaging elements - because He is the one who created me!

I "know" that truth. It's one of the earliest Scriptural truths that I learned and there are countless songs about this truth. But unless I see something despairing for lack of proper nourishment, I can learn to live without nourishment. After all, the world gives me countless examples on how to live so! I become blind and numb to the fact that there is a fuller, deeper, more beautiful life available to me. So I am not a gardener, but I do garden.

That reminds me... I need to water my plants...

"It's the hardest thing ever!"

I'm beginning to discover why veterans of learning a second language were so realistic with us about language learning being the hardest thing you could ever do. I think it's hard for different reasons, depending on who you are.

For me the technical aspect of learning the language isn't the hardest thing I've ever done. I think finishing the mini-marathon (and yes, I only walked it) was much harder. Adjusting to another family culture after getting married was MUCH harder! I KNOW that maintaining discipline in certain areas of my life is THE hardest (by the way, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank all the sponsors of my chocolate love affair).

What makes language learning so hard for me? I think it's a combination of two things, or maybe it just boils down to one thing: emotional drain. I'm so exhausted at the end of the week from learning and remembering all the new material that I simply want to collapse at the end of the week. I don't have the spare energy to parent well or to communicate respectfully or lovingly to Marshall, much less get myself out of the apartment and practice my Hebrew on actual Israelis. Yet I know that I can't abandon those responsibilities. So I have to dig much deeper, because my personal supply of perseverance has been completely depleted.

Dig deeper? That just rang a bell! A.B. Simpson, founder of the C&MA, was keen on the deeper life - a deeper spiritual life that was constantly nourished by the filling of the Holy Spirit. "Your mercies are new every morning!" celebrated a famous psalmist. Oh that I would remember to rely on those mercies and so glorify His name because of endurance that defies human limitations!

The apostle Paul defined perseverance as the ability to keep your faith through a difficult situation, and at the end of that situation - to still be standing. That's where I would like to find myself at the end of the week - still standing (as opposed to draped over the loveseat buried beneath a cozy blanket that semi-effectively drowns out the sounds of reality).

Labor Intensive

In the course of studying my vocabulary from ulpan (Hebrew language school) I find myself giggling something fierce. Hebrew is like a classic comedy sketch: Me is who and who is he but he is she. It's confusing, isn't it? So I decided to straighten it out by repeating the words over and over again: he, he, who; he, he, who; he, he, who. I find that my teeth are gritted together, my forehead is wrinkled in concentration, and I'm trying to push because I've slipped into Lamaze breathing! And this is just with the pronouns!

On a more serious note, today was our 8th anniversary. Last night I experienced some homesickness. I dreamt of going to Burger King for a ham, egg, and cheese croissant and their delicious coffee (only to have the coffee machine broken and the cashier dump my drink on the floor when I asked if I could buy orange juice as well). I'm trying to figure out where the homesickness is coming from. We had a teammate over for dinner, and she is staying in the bungalow for a few days this week. The bungalow is where we started out, so maybe some of it is memories from those first days. I think another part is the knotted feeling in the pit of my stomach as we face another phase of "what am I getting into?" with ulpan. On the bus today Marshall was saying, "I am capable of learning Hebrew. It is possible to learn Hebrew. God called us here so we must learn Hebrew." over and over again. It's good to say those things to yourself - to remind yourself of the facts when your emotions threaten to take control. I think, also, it's been three months since seeing friends and family from the States - past the "short term" point - and I simply miss people that had more common appearances in my life until now.

So let's count our blessings and name them one by one:
1. Shawarma and filalfel (hee, hee, hee)
2. An apartment that is PERFECT for us in size, location, and with quite a view
3. A husband who doesn't mind me thinking out loud and likes to study with me
4. A son who still delights in life
5. Teammates who genuinely care for us and we can count as friends
6. Access to a car so that we can travel places on Shabbat
7. Instructors at the ulpan who are interested in our success
8. Care packages that have fun surprises and chocolate in them
9. Russell's improved behaviour at school
10. Cheap produce

I could go on and on with more serious things and more silly things, but the important thing is that my mind is now in the right place. May praise for my God always be on my tongue!